Tenacity

I'm so glad it's Friday. It's been a long week and I sure look forward to the weekends. It's been a good week though. I've been experiencing more of a confident spirit that I thank God for. Teaching is bringing out a part of me that I feel I've been missing - an inner strength that stands firm through the raging wind and rain like a man. When I'm in the classroom everyday, I have to focus on keeping order. Discipline is so important and I have to be firm with them to keep them in line. Either I control the classroom or they control me. So, I've been learning how to be firm, to raise my voice and command attention. In many ways I've seen myself as more of a passive person, avoiding conflict and keeping peace at all costs. But deep down inside, I've known that there is something more, an aggressive tenacity that has been waiting to express itself in the right way. It's like life has been screaming at me to grab it by the horns and fight for my life but I've been afraid that I'll hurt myself or someone else in the process. I guess that's part of growing, learning from life and discovering yourself. I'm gradually finding more of an experiential balance between the power of the will to enjoy life and the power of God's grace that enables that possibility in the first place.

I've been asking God to help me really enjoy the kids and the process of teaching them. I have seen God answering my prayer and I am really thankful for that. Teaching is what I'll be doing down here for quite a while and I want to be able to enjoy every bit of it. I think being able to enjoy the process of anything is so important. Like learning a new language. I enjoy getting on my computer everyday and learning new words, working on my accent, and then putting what I've learned into practice. If I didn't enjoy that, it would be total misery trying to learn a new language. All I would be thinking about is the day when I would actually be able to communicate fluently and that day probably wouldn't come as soon if I didn't enjoy the process.